


Responsible Hiring Decisions

by SteveTrevorsStarship



Series: RoyEd OTPoly 2020 [8]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25757533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveTrevorsStarship/pseuds/SteveTrevorsStarship
Summary: Al points to Merlin, who is rubbing himself against Roy’s leg and purring. Arthur stands a foot away. If cats had expressions, his would be exasperatedly fond. “Merlin likes you. He’s a good judge of character because he’s magical like that. If Merlin likes you, I like you. And I’m the owner, so I’ll see you tomorrow morning at 6!”
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Series: RoyEd OTPoly 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813930
Comments: 15
Kudos: 99
Collections: RoyEd OTPoly 2020





	Responsible Hiring Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> my eyes are burning, dont swim in rainwater filled pools. Im so mad, alexa play burn it down by linkin park. 
> 
> I'm aware norweigan forest cats prefer cold climates and to be outside. Suspend your disbelief for the kitties. links are to pictures of the kitties because yes. 
> 
> Remember: adopt don't shop and wear your mask.

Alphonse Elric loves his brother. There is no doubt about that.

But there are some days when even _his_ legendary patience is outmanned by Ed’s even more legendary temper.

“Ed,” Al says slowly, dredging up whatever patience he has left, “Please tell me you did not throw a coffee at our customer.”

Ed crosses his arms and his scowl gets even deeper. “He deserved it, Al! He was kicking the cats.”

“He could _sue_ us, Ed!” Al says desperately. “He deserved it but you could at least have waited until you weren’t at work!” 

Ed winces at that. “Okay, fine. Maybe I didn’t handle that very well.” 

“Please go apologize to him,” Al pleads. 

“But–” 

“Go out there and apologize to him or else we might lose the coffee shop,” Al interrupts, pointing at the door to the break room. His voice grows softer and he lowers his hand as he says, “I don’t know what I’m going to do if we lose this place, brother, _please_.” 

Ed’s expression morphs from rebellious anger to guilt in a second. Al hates pulling that card on him, but it seems like he needs to. The coffee shop was their mom’s dream. She had bought it two years before she died and Ed and Al did their best to keep it running through college classes and second jobs. They had only been 17 and 18 when she died, leaving the boys behind with only enough money to sell the house and rent a cheap apartment in Central. Ed took a gap year to work a second job and the coffee shop while Al finished up high school. Two years later, Al is working on his Veterinarian Degree and Ed on his Chemical Engineering Degree. They’re both very attached to the coffee shop but haven’t bothered to hire any other employees. 

Al thinks they should hire someone new. It’s getting a bit hard to keep up with school and run the coffee shop, and they make enough money to hire someone. He worries, though. Mostly about Ed and his stupidity when it comes to other people, a little bit about the fact the Health Department said cats weren’t allowed in coffee shops. He’s not entirely sure how another employee would handle the cats.

(Al fixed the Health Department problem with a wobbly lip, a little bit of “But they’re not allowed behind the counter,” here and a lot of “Our landlords won’t let us keep [Merlin](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/da/94/d6/da94d6ad96fa6441e86af86c5ee1b67f.jpg) and [Arthur](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7b/Norwegian_Forest_Cat_in_snow_%28closeup%29.jpg/1200px-Norwegian_Forest_Cat_in_snow_%28closeup%29.jpg) at home alone during the day,” there. The coffee shop cats walked away unscathed, but the Health Department employee might need a little therapy after listening to Ed and Al’s admittedly sad life story.) 

Either way, the newest incident just proves Al’s point further. They need extra help at the coffee shop. Al is going to be subjected to Ed’s impatience with people anyway, so they might as well get somebody good that can smooth over the customer’s ruffled feathers as best as they can. 

And they need somebody that likes cats. 

It’s a tall order, but Al is used to those. He has to compensate for Ed’s shortness somehow. 

Al follows Ed out of the break room and watches as he apologizes to the old crusty man who kicked the cats. He’s not near enough to hear what he’s saying, but he trusts that his brother is biting his tongue on any outright insulting comments. When it seems like the groveling on Ed’s part is done with, Al steps forward. 

“Sir, while we appreciate your business and are extremely apologetic about the coffee incident,” Al begins, glaring at the man and ignoring Ed’s _what the hell are you doing_ look, “we ask that you never come to our shop again. You kicked a cat. According to shop policy, you’re banned from our coffee shop from now on.” Never mind that Ed and Al wrote the policy. _You have to be nice to the cats_ was the first thing they had put on the list. Said list is posted next to the counter for viewing purposes. 

“Your damn cat was scratching at my leg!” The man complains. He scoffs and turns his head away. “Fine. I never wanted to go to this stupid shop in the first place. Starbucks is better.” 

The hiss that comes from Al’s left is either Merlin or Ed. It’s equally likely to be either (it could be Arthur, but Al can see him perched on the windowsill behind the man, lazily opening an eye at the disturbance). 

The Cat Abuser walks out of the store in a huff and Al rolls his eyes, returning to the counter to attend to whatever customers had come in during the incident. Thankfully, it’s a slow hour. Only one man is waiting and he smiles sympathetically at Al. 

“I’m not entirely sure I wouldn’t have punched the old guy in the face,” he said. 

“He deserved to get his ass kicked,” Ed grumbled as he slid behind the counter, standing next to Al. 

Al sighs and smiles at the man, taking note of his dark hair and the way Ed eyes his ass appreciatively. “Not much to do for it besides kick him out. What’s your order?”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t come in here for coffee. Would you happen to be hiring?” 

Al’s grin is slow and the ~~man~~ Future Employee looks mildly concerned. 

“Yes, we are!” He says excitedly, ignoring Ed mumbling _Since when were we hiring_? “What’s your name?”

“Roy Mustang,” the Future Employee says, seemingly recovered from Al’s terrifyingly bright grin. 

“Do you like cats?” 

“I love them. I have one at home.” 

_Contain yourself. No matter how perfect he is, you can’t scare away future employees. Don’t look too excited._

Al tries to smother his grin and nods, acting like he’s writing all this down. 

“Work experience?”

“Former Army veteran, then I spent a few years working at a coffee shop.” 

_He’s hot. Is he single? I don’t see a wedding ring. He looks a bit old for Ed, but he likes cats and is definitely his type. I think we should keep him._

“Great! You’re hired. When do you want to start?”

Next to him, Ed says, “Wait, what? Just like that?” 

Roy looks between Ed and Al, his eyebrow raising slowly. “I can start tomorrow. Don’t you need to ask the owner? Or call my previous employers?” 

Al points to Merlin, who is rubbing himself against Roy’s leg and purring. Arthur stands a foot away. If cats had expressions, his would be exasperatedly fond. “Merlin likes you. He’s a good judge of character because he’s magical like that. If Merlin likes you, I like you. And I’m the owner, so I’ll see you tomorrow morning at 6!” 

. . .

Later that night, as they’re closing up shop, Ed turns to Al. “Are you sure hiring him is a good idea?”

“You’re not one to talk to me about good ideas, brother. And I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” Al picks up Merlin, petting the black tabby. He opens the door for Ed, who picks up Arthur and follows Al outside. 

In all honesty, their landlord loves Merlin and Arthur. She coos over Arthur’s fur constantly (he’s an orange Norwegian Forest Cat and he knows how to use his fluff and size to get extra attention) and is pretty much best friends with Merlin. While it’s true that she doesn’t want them unattended in the apartment, she’s also a retiree that constantly asks if she can take care of them during the day. Al just really wants to be able to bring his pets to work. 

“I know. But you barely even gave him an interview. How do you know he didn’t get fired from his last job for being incompetent?”

Al rolls his eyes. “The last coffee shop he worked at burned down.” They begin the trek home and he tightens his coat around his shoulders. The cold season is starting, he’ll have to start knitting his ugly Christmas sweaters soon.

“And are we sure Mustang didn’t just burn it down?”

“Goodness, brother!” 

“I’m just sayin’!” 

“I think you just don’t want to work with him because he’s hot and you think he’ll distract you from your work.” 

Ed’s face flushes from ear to ear and Al grins, knowing he’s already won this argument. 

“Jeez, Al, keep it in your pants,” Ed mumbles, scratching between Arthur’s ears. The cat purrs. 

Al sighs. “The only one us that’s attracted to men is you. Besides, he said he would punch anybody that hurt a cat. He’s perfect for you!” 

Ed stops walking and turns to Al, narrowing his eyes. “Did you just make an important hiring decision _to set me up with him?_ ” 

They’ve arrived at the park that runs along the road to their apartment. Al grins, easing Merlin on the ground in front of him. “Absolutely.” Ed does the same with Arthur and the two cats trod right in front of their owners. “May I remind you that you gave me full ownership when I turned 18?”

“I gave you full ownership because you’re better at the finances!”

“And every other part of owning a business.” 

“That, too.” 

Al rolls his eyes. “That being said, you can’t veto me on this decision. Besides, didn’t you hear him? He’s an Army vet. I’ll bet he even has abs.”

Ed lets out a strangled noise. Al pauses. 

“Too much?” he asks. 

“Too much,” Ed confirms, his brain probably broken by the mental image of Roy shirtless. 

Ahead of them, Merlin meows in protest at their owners lagging. Al picks up the pace, Ed following behind him quietly. 

. . .

Al decides that Roy is, in fact, perfect. 

He can whip up a perfect coffee in no time at all and Ed _never_ takes his eyes off Roy’s hands when they’re both on shift. It’s amazing. Roy pets the cats all the time and doesn’t mind that he has to wash them after every time he touches them. He charms the customers like nothing Al’s ever seen and within the first day, seven women and three men ask for his number. Ed scowls at every single one of them. Al is comforted by the fact Roy only gives one man his number. 

And– _And–_ he’s just as infatuated with Ed as Ed is with him. He puts on a good front, calling Ed short and teasing him endlessly. Al sees it for what it is, though– _pigtail pulling._ He _sees_ the way Roy looks at Ed when he thinks nobody is looking. Everybody does. 

The only people that aren’t aware Ed and Roy are halfway in love with each other are Ed and Roy themselves. The coffee shop regulars know (Winry sent Al an excited text about it the first time she met Roy), the cats know (one time Merlin “accidentally” walked right under Ed’s feet as he was closing up the shop with Roy. Ed told Al he swore he saw the cat smirk when he fell into Roy’s arms), and even the coffee machine knows (one time it broke and sprayed all over Roy’s shirt. It was hot coffee, so he had to take his shirt off immediately. Al is surprised Ed took his eyes off Roy’s torso long enough to get an extra shirt from the back room). 

So, yeah. Roy Mustang is the perfect employee and he’s in love with Al’s big brother to boot. 

The only downside is that the whole charade becomes a bit exhausting to watch after a while. They keep dancing around each other and Al keeps rolling his eyes at the idiots. 

So, after two months, he finally decides to act. 

. . .

It’s a morning shift with just Al and Roy. 

It’s time. 

“So,” Al says casually, preparing a dark roast while Roy warms up the customer’s muffin, “Is there a particular reason you stare at my brother’s ass when he walks away?” 

The customer’s eyebrow shoots up and Roy chokes on his spit. Al finishes the coffee and hands it to the man at the counter. Roy recovers, takes the muffin out, and puts it on a plate. The customer takes his muffin and coffee and runs to the nearest table, acting like he’s not watching his new favorite free reality TV show ( _Real life edition_!)

“I mean, really,” Al continues, “you should do him the service of complimenting his ass when you’re talking to him. That way he’ll know you’re interested and you two can just do the do and get it over with.” 

Roy looks horrified. Al really can’t think of why. “Did you just refer to having sex as _doing the do_?” 

Al blinks. “Actually, I referred to going on a date as _doing the do_ , but I get why your mind jumped to that conclusion and I appreciate that you want to have sex with Ed.” 

There’s a long pause. At his table, the customer sips his coffee and flips the page of the newspaper he’s acting like he’s reading. 

“I am very uncomfortable,” Roy finally says. 

“I get that a lot. Mostly from my brother.”

“When people say he’s the scary brother–”

“They’re wrong. Ed was telling the truth the whole time. My sweetness is just an act and is reserved mostly for cats. Don’t cross me. If you hurt Ed, I’ll do more than hurt you.” 

“I haven’t even said that I li–” 

“Don’t even deny it, Roy Mustang. If you want to stare at my brother’s ass, you have to take him on a proper date and ask _politely._ He doesn’t put out until the third date, by the way, and while I’m sure he wouldn’t mind making an exception for you, I wouldn’t force it.” 

“Wait a–” 

“And don’t give him milk. He doesn’t like milk.” 

“Please let me finish a sentence,” Roy begs. Al blinks innocently at him. 

“What are you talking about?” he asks. “You just finished a sentence.”

Al sees a customer at the counter, so he goes back to work and ignores Roy’s spluttering. 

. . .

Roy doesn’t ask Ed on a date that day. Nor any other following day. Al just frowns and ignores it, figuring he’s taking his time to build up his confidence. 

Then, four days later, a spiky-haired man with a cute daughter in pigtails walks into the coffee shop. 

Merlin immediately trots up to the daughter, rubbing himself against her. She lets out a squeak of excitement and runs her hand along his fur, then does the same with Arthur’s glossy orange fur when he joins Merlin. 

“They’re so cute!” the little girl squeals. Her father smiles at her fondly and prods her toward the counter, where she looks up at Al. “Are you Mr. Ed?” She asks. 

Al raises his eyebrow. “I’m Al. Ed is on his break, but I would be happy to get him if you’d like.”

“In just a moment,” the father says, his smile saccharine. “What do you recommend for Elicia? She loves sweets.” 

“How about some unicorn cake? It’s very colorful.” 

Elicia gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. “I love unicorns,” she says, her eyes welling up with happy tears. Al blinks back a few of his own. 

“If unicorns existed, I would give you one,” Elicia’s father says, not even bothering to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. “But they don’t, so you’ll have to stick with unicorn cake.”

“Yay!” Elicia cheers. Al laughs as he pulls a slice of multilayered rainbow cake out of the display shelf. 

“Anything else?” he asks once he puts her cake on a plate. 

“Just that. And would you mind getting Ed, for me?”

“Sure thing,” Al says, telling him the price and putting it in the register before walking into the break room. “Ed, there’s a spiky-haired man and his daughter asking for you.” 

Ed looks up at Al, confused. “Who?”

“I don’t know. Go find out, your break is almost over anyway.”

Ed furrows his brow but walks out of the break room without saying anything else. Al mans the counter and watches as his brother speaks with the spiky-haired man and his daughter. At some point during the conversation, Elicia walks up to the counter with Arthur trailing after her. 

“Daddy told me to say sorry for stealing your brother from his work,” Elicia says. “He’s trying to figure out why Uncle Roy and Mr. Ed haven’t gone on a date yet.” 

“Aren’t we all?” Al says rhetorically, but Elicia nods sagely, which is an odd look on someone so young. 

“Mommy says Uncle Roy is being an idiot. Mommy never calls _anybody_ an idiot. She says it’s a bad word.” 

“Your mother sounds like a smart woman.”

“She’s very smart, she has a PhE in Psychology.” 

“Do you mean a Ph.D.?”

“Yeah, that.” 

“Well, in that case, she must be very smart. Would you like some more Unicorn Cake?” 

“Yes, please.” Elicia proceeds to pull out an owl-shaped purse and hands him a few cens. “Is this enough?”

“Plenty,” Al says, handing one back because she paid too much. He puts the money in the register and gets her second piece of cake, handing it to her with a flourish and a polite smile. 

“Thank you, Mr. Al!”

“You’re very welcome, Miss Elicia,” Al responds as she skips back to the table with her newly-acquired cake in hand. From the table, her father shoots Al a grateful smile and Al smiles back, hoping he’s convinced Ed to be the brave one and ask Roy out. 

They leave a few minutes later and Ed returns to the counter. “What was that about?” Al asks, feigning disinterest as he wipes down the counter. 

“Roy is an idiot,” Ed says simply. 

“So are you,” Al responds as he smiles at the customer that just walked in. 

“So am I,” Ed confirms grumpily.

. . .

It happens the next evening. 

Al is in the break room looking over the finances and studying. Ed and Roy are working in the front. Merlin and Arthur are chasing each other in the break room, occasionally taking a break only for Merlin to paw Arthur’s tail and then they’re back at it again. 

Al can’t hear much of the conversation from the coffee shop, but he hears something along the lines of “Too tall for you to reach, Edward?” followed by something breaking and Ed screaming, “ _Bastard_!”

Al doesn’t interfere. He just hopes there’s nobody in the coffee shop at this point. 

And then– 

It’s suspiciously quiet. 

Al decides he probably should have interfered. He won’t forgive Roy if he killed Ed, but he will gladly help Ed hide Roy’s body. Al steps outside of the break room only to find a shattered plate on the ground next to the cabinet and Roy hunching over the mini-fridge. 

Well, not quite. Roy hunching over Ed, who is leaning back above the mini-fridge and kissing Roy. 

Al has no idea how this happened. Al doesn’t want to know how this happened. 

But Al is a doting brother _and_ a small business owner. Isn’t managing his employees his job?

So he whistles, the sharpest, loudest whistle he has and watches in amusement as Roy trips over himself and falls backward. Ed catches his hand and pulls him up, glaring at Al. 

“Was that necessary?” he asks.

“No,” Al says, “But I enjoyed it. Do you want to close up a few minutes early?” 

Roy slides his arm around Ed’s waist and smiles. “That would be great, actually.” 

“Hands off, pervert,” Ed says, pushing Roy’s hands. “Feed me first.” 

Roy looks only slightly perturbed. “I suppose that’s fair. I make really good tacos?” 

“I’m sold,” Ed says, smiling and starting to clean up. 

Al grins, picking up the cats and his books. 

**Author's Note:**

> Write a coffee shop AU, with either Ed or Roy as baristas. Word count: 375-753
> 
> House level: The non-barista character (either Ed or Roy) came into the coffee shop asking for a job. Word count: 947-2185
> 
> Hotel level: Use an outsider's POV. Max word count: 4102 
> 
> Hotel, because I'm a bad bitch.


End file.
